Perspective
Missed Appointments
An impersonal physician, a timid patient, and a lost opportunity.
By Richard Miner, M.D.
He’d been amused when his friend said, “Hal, I think going to a different person every time you get a hair cut is a kind of promiscuity.” But then his wife chimed in, “I’ve been telling him that for years. You’re going to keep getting lousy haircuts if you never go back to the same guy twice. And while we’re on the subject, now that you’re over 50, I think it’s time you had your own personal physician, too. You’d get better care.”
Persuaded but a little reluctant, Hal sought one out. He asked his friends for suggestions, chose one, and set up an appointment. The doctor seemed pleasant and friendly, and he called him by his first name, “Harold,” although he preferred to be called “Hal.”
The doctor confirmed what Hal already knew—that he was in good health but needed to lose some weight. His blood pressure and cholesterol were up a bit, but the doctor assured him they could be treated with medication. Hal agreed to return for regular visits and pocketed the prescriptions he’d been given. He went home, dutifully took his pills, and every three months had blood work done, then met with his doctor. They went over the lab results together and the doctor adjusted the dosages.
About three years into the relationship, when the doctor began with his usual “Harold, how are you?” Hal answered, “It’s been rough lately. My father died last month. It was pretty sudden.”
“Would you like a referral, Harold?” the doctor responded. Hal looked at the doctor expectantly and waited for something more to be said. He’d been close to his father. But when nothing more came, Hal said he didn’t think he wanted to talk to some stranger about it. So they moved on to review the lab results. The lab results were fine.
When, after another year had passed, Hal was checking in for one of his regular appointments, the receptionist surprised him by asking, “Did the doctor tell you he’s moving to a different clinic? It’s about five miles west of here.” Hal thought that maybe the receptionist had gotten things mixed up. He knew he had not been told. So when the doctor began with his usual, “Harold, how are you?” Hal blurted out, “Your receptionist says you’re moving. Is that true? I don’t remember you mentioning it.”
The doctor replied, “Oh, didn’t I? Well, don’t worry, Harold. I’m sure you’ll like your new doctor. She’s very good.”
Hal stared at the doctor for a moment. He wasn’t sure how he felt—after all, he’d been coming to this man for more than four years. Did he feel hurt? Did he have a right to feel hurt? Should he have been asked first how he felt about having a woman as his personal physician? He didn’t think he’d be comfortable with it.
He wanted to say something more, but the doctor had already turned his attention to the computer screen. So Hal said nothing, and the doctor proceeded to review the lab results. The lab results were fine.
After the doctor left, Hal remained in the room for a time. He was trying to figure out what had happened, what had gone wrong. This wasn’t what he’d expected when he decided to get a personal physician, one who’d get to know and care about him. Should he have done something differently?
He wondered now whether he would have driven the extra five miles to see his physician if he had been given the choice to continue as his patient. He felt that for whatever reason this doctor-patient relationship had been a failure. Mostly, he felt glad that he was in good health, at least for now, and he decided that he’d approach things differently in the future.
And then it occurred to him that maybe he was due for another haircut. He decided that he’d do that differently, too. He’d go back to the person who’d cut his hair the last time. They had talked about his job, his family, his health, even laughed together at a joke. She seemed to care, and the haircut wasn’t bad. MM
Richard Miner is a psychiatrist in Minneapolis.