End Notes
The End of the Beginning
By L. T. Nguyen, M.D.
An intern finds confidence during the first week on the job.
So far, so good. It’s Day 5 of my residency, and I haven’t killed anyone yet, although I wanted to kill the transplant fellow on multiple occasions.
Today started out fairly routinely—rolled out of bed at 5:30 a.m., saw all my patients by 6:45, rounded with the fellow at 7. As I visited with one of the kidney transplant patients, a nurse came to the doorway, frantic. “You guys, we need you in room 518. RIGHT NOW!”
I looked around, bewildered. What did she mean by “you guys”? Aside from the patient, I was the only other person in the room. I excused myself.
I heard a code blue called over the PA system. “Station 5C–Charlie, room 518.” I nearly soiled myself—this was my first real code.
No amount of defibrillating plastic dummies can prepare a person to be calm for his first code. In the 20 seconds it took me to get to room 518, I gave myself a quick pep talk: “OK, here it is. You have to step up to the plate and be a doctor. Prove that you’ve earned your degree. You can do this.”
I quickly scanned the room as I entered: crash cart, bevy of nurses, no doctors—except me. With confidence that I didn’t know I possessed, I shouted out orders to run the code. Catecholamines and endorphins surged through my body. It was an incredible feeling—sort of like a runner’s high, but much, much higher.
We managed to bring the patient back to sinus rhythm. Afterwards, I spoke with his family. It could be argued that this is the hardest part about being a doctor, as there are no pocket guidebooks on how to deal with people. And it’s something that is not easily taught, nor easily learned. I explained to the family what had happened and answered their questions. They repeatedly thanked me.
I gave myself one more pep talk before I left the hospital that night. “I can do this. I can do this well. Only 360 days left of my intern year.” MM
L.T. Nguyen is a resident in the general surgery program at the University of Minnesota.