physician honorable mention
Bethany, House of God
By Jamie Santilli, M.D.
My daughter Bethany was born in 1984 at 28 weeks gestation weighing just over 2 pounds. At the time she was born, I was in medical school. My husband and I named her Bethany, which has two meanings: “house of poverty,” very appropriate for medical students with incredible educational debt, and “house of God,” which may have contributed by divine intervention to her long life considering all of her medical problems. She was not able to speak or walk because of cerebral palsy and experienced many other health problems caused by her prematurity. She communicated through electronic augmentative systems and was educated in the Burnsville public schools by many amazing teachers, professionals, and attendants. She enjoyed each day to its fullest, smiling and giggling much of the time. She died unexpectedly in her sleep in the middle of the night at age 19, one week prior to starting her senior year in high school.
For several years after her death, every night I would wake up at 2:22 a.m., look at my clock radio, think of my darling daughter in a much better place, not restricted by her earthly body that failed her. I would wake in the morning refreshed, ready for another day with residents, medical students, and patients unaware of the transformative depth of my understanding of personal loss and the power of resilience and purpose.
As a physician, we know life is a death sentence, yet in the United States, many fear even the topic of death. I realize now that my experience of the grieving process as a surviving parent has been eye-opening and life-renewing, and it has enhanced my ability to understand the emotions of others experiencing grief and loss.
My daughter was a blessing and in so many ways enriched my life, encouraging me to live each day to the fullest and giving me hope for a life beyond this earthly existence. Jamie Santilli is a family physician and medical educator at the University of Minnesota Medical School. She practices at University of Minnesota Physicians’ Primary Care Center in Minneapolis.
Bethany, House of God
My Heavenly Angel,
Sweet daughter Bethany
Touches my cheek
Awakens my sleep
Each serene night
At two twenty two
Her wings Grace my face
With love’s embrace
Attempts to erase
Worry on my face
At two twenty two
A Premature Gift from God
I could not save her
In life or death
I only did my best
To shield her from fate
I feel a breeze
Caress my earthly face
A tear rolls
To the pillowcase
I open my eyes
The clock reveals
Two twenty two
Each morning I awake to race
To care for the human race
Renewed by my Angel
Eternal Hope and Grace
At two twenty two
Perhaps in a name
Her fate was sealed
My darling Bethany
Your path revealed
Your last breath …Taken
At two twenty two
Eternal life
No Earthly strife
Enriches my life
Remembered at night
At two twenty two.